Monday, May 26, 2008

Searching for Deadlifts.....*sigh*

This weekend I was away from home for a few days. Naturally, today I got a bad hankering to do some deadlifting. My freind gave me a pass to a new commercial gym that had recently opened in their town. I thought I'd try it out. I went in the gym and immediately they had me fill out an information packet. Next, one of the employees had me go over to her desk and sit down for a questionare. The conversation went something like this:

Employee: So, what are you hoping to get out "___ Gym"?

Me: Uh, just looking for a place to deadlift.

Employee: Oh, what is that?

Me: (with puzzled look on my face) Where you lift weights off the floor....

Employee: Oh, sure..... So, would you describe your current fitness training?

Me: Well, basically I deadlift, squat, press, and row. I do bodyweight stuff, sled dragging, sandbag work, jumping, climbing rope, hill sprints, car pushing, and jump rope. Um, let's see..yeah I've done all that in the past few months.

Employee: (staring at me)

Me: Oh, yeah. I forgot, I love kettlebells, too. Swings, snatches, turkish get-ups, you know....the usual.

Employee: (not sure what to write)

(awkward silence)

Employee: ....... Well, ok..... On a scale of 1 - 5 how would you rate your knowledge on our new, state of the art cardio machines ?

Me: .......1?

Employee: Really?

Me: Well, I'm sure I could get them to work....if I had to.

Employee: Would you like me take you over and show you how to use all of them?

Me: (shifting uncomfortably in chair) ...No, thanks.

Employee: (puzzled look on face) Uh, ok. How would you rate your knowledge on resistance training from 1-5?

Me: 5, I guess.

Employee: Ha, all of the men always say "5" on that one. So, you know how to use all our resistance machines?

Me: (getting annoyed) No, I know how to deadlift and squat.

Employee: (awkward smile)

Me: (silence)

Employee: Well, uh, let's go to the next question. How would you describe your current eating habits?

Me: In one sentence?

Employee: Well, what foods do you normally eat?

Me: Meats, fruit, vegetables....and water. Sometimes I have cake.

Employee: Ooook....What goals are you hoping to achieve at "____ Gym"?

Me: I'm just looking for a place to deadlift.


Employee: And what would say are your main fitness goals? Toning up, getting a good pump, losing weight?.....

Me: To get as strong as humanly possible.......And to touch the top of the backboard.

Employee: (writes "strength?")

Employee: Alright, well let me just bring this over to my manager.

Me: (looking around) Do you guys even have a squat rack?

Employee: (walking away and yells) Yeah, we have 7 smith machines!

Me: (vomits in mouth)

Long story short, I ended up training outside and relying on my trusty one-stop-gym-in-a-trunk. In my car's trunk I currently have:

2 kettlebells
a 20 ft. thick rope
70 lbs. sandbag
20 lbs. weighted vest
tire sled w/ weights

The moral of the story is: DON'T LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING GET IN THE WAY OF YOU HAVING A PRODUCTIVE TRAINING SESSION. It's just not worth it, in my opinion. You only have so many hours in a week and so much physical/mental stress your body can handle. If your not having fun and getting results from your current training, then what are you doing? Life's too short. Don't let negativity in any form stand in the way of your goals. If your gym doesn't allow you to do the things you know you need to do to achieve your athletic goals, then get out! Work at at home, at a playground, find a new hardcore gym, buy some weights for your own, or whatever it takes! Don't pussyfoot around and waste your valuable time. Figure out how to get the most "bang for your buck".

After I left the gym I found a nice spot outside and did the following:
practice dunking with weighted vest (15 lbs) until noticeable power decrease
box jumps 2 x 5
kettlebell snatches 5 x 5
kettlebell swings 4 x 20

When I finished I was a happy camper. Although I was pissed off about they gym's sassy attitude and lack of power racks, I didn't let that stop me from getting in a short, solid workout.

- Max